Love Lost, Love Found Again

I have been married for six years and blessed with two beautiful kids. I have never liked being married, especially to my husband, don’t get me wrong, he is not a bad guy despite his short fallings but I don’t like being married to him because he is a MAN.

I first kissed a girl at seven, my cousin Bibi. We were crazy about each other and families didn’t suspect anything because we are age mates and have been best friends since we were little, they practically call us twins. We would kiss and make out in my room or any privacy we could find.


Ours was a shameless one, Bibi would warn guys to stay away from me but everyone just saw her as being protective of me but she really was protecting me for herself. She is a clingy jealous person and soon I started to protest her over-shadowing me in everything and this really tore us apart even though we got back a few times. Let me just say our teenage years were more of doing love the wrong ways.

We had an epic fight which was because I had met a guy I liked at WAEC lesson and I was happy to tell Bibi about him. He was cute and intelligent, always helping with my assignments but she got furious and commanded me to stay away from him, of course, I didn’t, in fact, I flaunted the boy some more as I would invite him to family events and would be with him all through. Then one evening at the lesson someone ran in to call me saying in between breaths that Collins (my boyfriend) was fighting outside with Bibi. I came outside to see Bibi dragging him by his shirt, warning him to stay away from me. I took his side and told her off.


 Later that week, I told Collins why Bibi is behaving the way she is, I didn’t just lose him after that but before long the story was everywhere. He told everyone and everyone told the others, before long it got to my school and not long my parents heard and it was chaotic.


Bibi was sent to a Catholic boarding school but my parents left me in my school to suffer the shame, I dreaded the rest of my secondary school days. Bibi didn’t deny being a lesbian to her parents and while her mom was furious, her father sent her to Canada to take her away from prying eyes and we never spoke again after that.


While I was at University here in Nigeria dating men just so I could blend in Bibi was living her full life abroad. Her Instagram and Facebook posts were about LGBTQI+ content with her dates and beautiful relationships. They broke my heart, I blocked and unblocked her severally times, I thought of her every single moment and for a very long time, I was sad and depressed about what I did to her.


 I was shocked when she sent me a message on my 22nd birthday “Happy birthday Cuz, have a good one” I read it more than a million times like it was an epistle. I replied, “Thank you, Love, I miss you”. That was all I could come up with after four hours of planning the right response. I was not expecting a response but she replied with a laughing emoji and “You chose your path Cuz, I’m sorry I was pressuring you to be with me then, we were kids and mistakes are normal at that age, heard you are about to get married, congratulations in advance” I was at the Bus stop when her reply came in, I stared hard at my phone. I may not like the response but it feels great talking to her after 4years, best of all I didn’t think she would ever talk to me again.

“Who tells you about me? Lol, he’s just a guy I’m seeing o, we are not talking about marriage yet but will let you know when that is in the plan”.


Little did I know that was the day my life was going to change, later that evening my boyfriend (now my husband) proposed at a surprise party and I couldn’t say no, my family and his were there so I said “Yes” because what else was there to say but “Yes”?

I did my best to present a happy bride on my wedding day but after a week it dawned on me how unhappy I was about to become.


I was so sad and couldn’t sleep for many days after my wedding because little by little I began to realise what being married to a man entails, I am now his and can’t have another not even a woman, even when it’s a woman I really wanted to spend eternity with but what can a girl do?

In my raging sadness, I reached out to Bibi one night hoping to have someone to share my new ordeals with.

“Hey Cuz, how are you doing? I need to talk to someone, are you free?” I was anxiously waiting for her response so I can relieve my heart weight to someone that would understand but her response was more of a shock than the pacifier I was hoping for. It was long but I read them all, many times.

“Hey you, I am okay and I think I know what you want to talk about: how you have realised you made a mistake by denying your feelings all these years and now you regret it? Especially after marriage and you are reaching out to see if I would allow you to dump on me. My answer is NO Cuz, you can’t dump on me because I have my own issues and not looking to babysit anybody especially not someone who has been confused all their lives so this marriage is your choice and you have to suck it up and play your part in this drama you have created. But if that is not why you are reaching out then we can talk but if it is, I am tired of rescuing you from men, and definitely not from a husband”. 

It broke my heart more than I thought she was capable of doing. I didn’t respond because she was right and since then I decided to figure things out on my own.


My life was going on manageably, some days harder than others until I went to NYSC. I met amazing people in camp but most of all I met Fejiro. A stud with the finest smile and we became instant friends.

Fejiro took care of me in camp and before I knew it I fell head over heels in love with her. She struggled with my marital status throughout camp but after we met at the same CDS and she realised I was not giving up on what we felt she decided to give us a chance. 


The second week she didn’t show up for CDS and it worried me, I barely concentrated and called her line non-stop but got no response. My anxiety took over me and I couldn’t hide it, my husband noticed but I lied its stress from the CDS and nursing a baby. Later that evening she called me back, the relief I felt was unimaginable. Her apartment was taken over by EFCC for a case of fraud against her landlord and they had to move. I ended the call with a promise to call her back then almost ran to the room to speak to my husband about our empty BQ.

Being the gentleman he is he didn’t protest much, only worried that I might accuse him in future about having an affair with her.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” I said “She is a tomboy and I know that’s not your type” I jumped in excitement when he agreed like a child who just got a new toy. I had the same joy in my voice when I called Fejiro back to give her the good news but her response shocked me hard.

“I can’t Babe, I am not one of those studs who live with their mistresses in their husband’s house,” I thought I would collapse from the shock but it was my phone that slipped instead. 

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