It’s Love, I Know It

I thought going to school, getting the right job, and getting married were all I needed for my dreams to come through as a growing girl but I was wrong. I got all those quite alright but happiness was still far off. I met my husband after university, we dated for eight months and tied the nut afterward, and started a family afterward. I was done with babies at the age of 28. My friends used to tease me at how good my life is and I would play along because if you look at it from the outside, my life actually seemed like a dream so I found it hard to tell anyone I was unhappy.


I’ve had to quit my job and go into selling, packaging and exporting foodstuff because my husband was making a fuzz about leaving our kids with strangers. It was a huge fight that resorted to a family meeting, at the end it was agreed that instead of staying home and babysitting the kids I should have a business and that’s how I got my business but it wasn’t long after I opened my shop my husband became an absolute stranger.

He would come home at odd hours, stopped spending time with the kids and me, and subsequently stopped acknowledging me completely, I cried and pleaded but nothing came out of it so I decided to focus on myself and my kids.


I was at the warehouse sorting goods for Warebill one afternoon when I got a call that he had a cardiac arrest and had been rushed to a hospital. I took off immediately he was already plugged into different machines, so many thoughts were cascading down my mind especially how my kids would be fatherless if anything happens to him so I prayed for him, for this man who has made me so insignificant that I stopped seeing my own self but my prayer was cut short when the Drs stepped out of his room and turned a lady standing beside me unnoticed and said: “he is going to be fine, he’s been stabilized but we will keep for a while for monitoring until he is fully recovered so I suggest you go get his essentials”. I was confused as to why they are talking to her instead of me then she pointed to me and asked the Drs to talk to me instead as I am his wife and not her. “He was with me when he had the attack but I’m not his wife, she is,” she said, pointing at me.


My anger grew there and then, and I was even more vexed when I turned and the lady was gone, why did she leave me with him? I had planned to leave him with her and go home to my kids and business but obviously, that is not going to happen.


At around 8 pm, he was moved from the emergency to a semi-private room with an already occupied bed, I’ll have to sleep on the floor as there isn’t any space for a caregiver. I was even more infuriated because it made no sense to me why I should have to take care of a man who literally doesn’t see me or even treat me like a person just because he is my “husband”.


By midnight I realized the person on the other bed had no caregiver. The nurses take turns to come and check on her and within the last few hours I’ve been in the room I saw her struggle with things, like reaching for her phone, charger, water and even getting to the toilet on her own. My heart broke for her and without a second thought I became her caregiver too, for some days she struggled with herself to ask for my help but in the absence of any other option, she began to rely on me.


Eric, my husband woke from the coma on the second day and the rift between us was very obvious, he didn’t make any effort to apologize and when I confronted him about his mistress he was unperturbed at all, he only told me that if I didn’t know he was seeing other women then I am dumber than he gives me credit for, this infuriated Fady, my other patient and new friend. I caught her looking at him angrily but that seem to be all she could do at that point considering her health but it felt good having someone look out for me.


Fady and I began chatting non-stop about everything. One would think we’ve known for years. From catching up on lives before now to everything else in between. By the seventh day, I was practically in Fady’s space and we shared food, cutleries, and toiletries. She made the hospital experience worth it for me.


Eric was discharged after 14 days at the hospital. But we had a fight the day before his discharge. He was on his phone all day and wouldn’t say a word to me, who have slept on the hospital floor taking care of him and as if that wasn’t enough he sent his side chick to the house to bring our kids to the hospital without my consent until my first son called to ask if I sent anyone to come pick them up. I couldn’t contain my anger when he admitted that he sent her, to my house. Without my consent? Why would he do that? I enquired with all the fits of anger buried in my stomach. It is not enough that you disrespect me but sending a stranger to meet my kids while I’m not there?


When he was discharged the next day I told him I wasn’t going with him and I didn’t. I stayed with Fady while his side piece picked him up and took him to her own house, apparently, they have an apartment together and are planning to have kids. Now that the secret was out I couldn’t be bothered. Seeing Fady doing life on her own was the motivation I needed to shift my focus back to myself.  


He left without making a fuss, just walked out with his clothes and didn’t even look back at me. I saw my defeat there and then and accepted my fate, my marriage is over in the most awkward way and it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. But still, I cried, Fady was there to hold me and for the first time in a long while someone showed that they care, about me and my emotions. I wasn’t broken because my marriage was over but more because of the years and emotional investments it took from me.


The next few days were new to me. How Fady looks at me, how she gets me but mostly how she looks at me like she sees me. I have never had anyone who sees me the way she does. How she looks at me and knows just by the look on my face that something is wrong and would ask until I tell. Though she was sick she had her ways of making me feel special.


It was getting to her last day in the hospital and I knew I didn’t want to be apart from her, what would I do with myself without her? As usual, she caught me being moody and so I told her. She admitted to feeling the same, pulled me up to the bed close to her and said while looking into my eyes that she would find me and be there for me always. It might have been impulse or the part of me that has been struggling for days to think of something else other than her but I pulled her by the neck and locked my lips in hers and she kissed me back. I’m not sure how long we were at it but it was such a long kiss with both of us sharing our breaths and mouths.


I cried so hard after I pulled away from her, I was overwhelmed by emotions, and my panic attack kicked in as well. I was shaking and crying and couldn’t breathe. I knew nothing was wrong but was also worried that I might not be able to make it stop. I haven’t had a panic attack since after secondary school. It got worse as I started forcing myself to stop but that didn’t happen. I felt a hand on my back, a gentle massage and a whisper in my right ear saying “I gatchu, look at me and relax, I will take care of you. You are safe with me” and like magic, my breath normalized and my whole body came to calm. 


She pulled me into an assuring embrace and held me there for long until I slept off. I woke to a buffet of take-outs. She had ordered a variety of foods because I complained about the stale hospital food I’d been subjected to all these days. The smile on my face said how my heart felt. She said she loves it when I smile “Don’t ever stop smiling, even if just for me” she said. This woke all the butterflies in my abdomen, my heart and head kept feeling like they would explode and I kept pinching my legs to be sure I was awake, alive.


By our last nights in the hospital, Fady finally told me in detail who she really is. The boss of a big government parastatal who travels a lot due to her work. The only daughter of an ex-military governor father. She was alone at the hospital because both parents are dead and her brother lives abroad with his family, not married, and a son who is in the university abroad.


The last night in the hospital was magical. Fady made love to me, worshipped the whole of my body, every inch and corners. My body was in constant quake throughout. Her touches woke all the hairs on my skin and I floated in pleasure and love all at once. I had uncountable orgasms and by the time we were done I wanted nothing but what I share with Fady. 


The ride home the next morning was excruciating for us, she held and kissed my hands despite her driver watching through to center mirror, she gives no care in the world with me. As we approached my house the tears began to build again and then I remembered my kids were with their dad and his mistress. I worried what I would do with my time at home. I also had no order to attend to in the warehouse.


She read my mind, I am sure she did because almost immediately she asked me to come home with her and like a child waiting to be offered a candy I joyously jumped on her offer. I didn’t come from much money so I would be right to say she lives in a mansion and I couldn’t fathom how she lives in that big house all alone.


After she introduced me to her housekeeper we went up to her room and stayed in bed exploring each other’s body. I couldn’t keep my hands off her and neither could she. 


Ours have been the best feeling of my life, I have never had anyone love me like Fady, she gives me the world exactly like I had wished it and I just want to live my whole life loving and being loved by her and best of all, my kids adore her and would forget I was in the room when she is there.


I might be crazy or even addicted to Fady but she is my lifeline and my calm in every storm. Everything I had been looking for in a person my whole life is finally here and I just want to live in this bubble for the rest of my life.

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