Since its inception in October 1988, National Coming Out Day (NCOD) has marked the celebration of people who publicly identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. It takes courage and strength to live authentically as a queer person in Nigeria. This is why, today, October 11, we continue to cheer the bravery of queer people who choose to share their truth with the world.
Coming out can be a rewarding endeavour. Commonly, those who are out have been known to challenge stereotypes and misconceptions. Visibility after all emboldens the normalisation of diverse identities and experiences. It humanises the community by bridging the gap in empathy and understanding. Putting a face to the course emphasises that LGBTQ issues are immediate concerns that affect real people.
The stories told in the process of coming out inspires those who feel isolated to know that they aren’t alone, that they are seen and loved. Such inspiration favours the mental well-being of LGBTQ youths, and has also been recorded to be the root of a gradual increase in social acceptance. Social perception reports show that in Nigeria younger people are more likely to be accepting of and tolerant to LGBTQ persons, and this is commonly attributed to openness of queer identities among groups of friends.
Some Nigerians are today exploring the leverage of social media to come out, speak up, and embrace the push for change. Bisi Alimi, who was in 2004 the first Nigerian to come out on national TV, continues to use his voice and platform to further the progress of queer rights in Nigeria. Amara the Lesbian, a queer YouTube influencer, tapes video content and vlogs about her everyday life to touch on queer issues.
On the other hand, coming out can be a tough and gruelling experience, especially for those who exist within direly suppressive conditions. In Nigeria, for example, homophobia and transphobia remains dangerously rampant. Police constantly threaten to prosecute openly LGBTQ people on social media. According to last year’s survey by Pew Research Center, queer rights suffer challenges, with 98% of Nigerians opposing same-sex marriage. Bisi Alimi, after coming out in 2004, said that “my life was constantly in danger. I was always beaten, arrested by the police, [and] discharged.” He had to flee the country afterwards.
With these limiting and restrictive conditions in place, it appears that the decision to be out bears as much significance and positivity as it does burdens and trials. This is why it’s important that queer people are allowed to make that choice for themselves, willingly and at a time of their choosing. There is a clear difference between coming out and being outed, as the latter entails the denial of individual autonomy and human dignity. Forced outing damages the mental health of LGBTQ people, leading to anxiety and crippling depression, not to mention exposure to severe endangerment. Often done with the intention of violence and blackmail, it is a malicious act that nobody deserves.
The complexity of coming out makes it beautiful. Embracing your truth as a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans person is a personal journey and as such can be personalised to suit your style. For some, art has become a safe space where they can really be themselves. Creating art that reflects in one way or another the intimate truth of their queerness. Doing so with their name on said pieces or through pen names and pseudonyms that they use full time.
Personalising your coming out could also mean selecting the extent to which—and the people with whom—you wish to be out, or open. It could be a small group of friends or trusted family members. It could mean posting your stories on a curated space or on your privatised handle rather than on a public platform. Anyhow, the choice is yours to make and must be of your own volition and timing.
As can be found even within the community, there is a tendency to denigrate those who desire to live openly in their queerness despite the virulent transphobia, biphobia and homophobia in the country. The assumption being that burying one’s queer identity remains the best, if not only option worth taking in the heat of things. Without dwelling too much on the fact that such thinking does the work of homophobia by stifling queer self-expression, we must remember that for trans and gender-nonconforming people the decision to not disclose their queerness could be a remote option.
So in the spirit of commemorating National Coming Out Day, let’s remember that coming out is a deeply personal choice. Our role is to offer unwavering support, acceptance, and encouragement to LGBT people, honouring their unique journey and timeline – not just on NCOD, but every day.
—Godswill Arinze Agubalu